Failure to Launch


In my last post, I wrote about my new comedy night ‘Progress Comedy’ Sadly, despite a lot of hard work and my best efforts, the night was a failure. Only two people showed up. But it’s not my first failure so I put a few of them together in a pile of my greatest comedy mistakes. A shit list if you will.

Halloween Howler 

Halloween 2011. I was still new to comedy and managed to get an open spot in one of the more decent comedy clubs in Dublin. I thought it would be funny to go on stage in my costume. It was a Texas Chainsaw Massacre Outfit complete with Leather Face Mask and mini chainsaw.

I arrived at the club with the costume underneath my Jacket and the Mask in my bag. I didn’t tell anyone what I was going to do.

As the MC who was also the promoter was calling me on stage, I slipped my jacket off and put on the Mask. The crowd didn’t know what was going on at first. I played like I thought it was a fancy dress gig and the only who showed up in costume. Of course, when I took the Mask off, I got the obligatory “Should left it on mate” comment from someone in the crowd. All in all, it went well.

But the look I got from the Promoter/MC told a different story. I don’t play that club often and when I do, I’m still on the open spot. I learned early on in comedy some people don’t have a sense of humor.


A few years ago I was living with my then best friend and fellow comedian, let’s call him Mr. Exit (as he was always disappearing.)

He was keen to do a topical comedy news podcast. But due to Mr. Exit shyness of work, it would take him three to six months to edit and put the thing out. Making it more of a historical piece rather than a comment on current affairs.

I was bitten by the podcast bug and wanted to do more. I contacted An Irish version of Lad-Bible or Qoran-Bloke for our Muslim friends. I pitched them the idea of a funny look at news style podcast. To my shock, I got a reply and women called Mary said: “She liked the idea and wanted to hear a pilot show.”

Mr. Exit and I sat down to record the show. Beforehand I said we should try act more professional and cut down on the swearing.

Within four minutes Mr. Exit said the C-word four times and then said he would shag the hair off of Mary’s hole if she picked up the show. For some strange reason, Mary decided to not go ahead with it. I wonder why?

Hometown Hero

In one of my many attempts to get comedy night going, I ran one back in Co. Offaly in my brother’s bar back in 2015. Thankfully a lot of Friends & Family came to this show. As I said in my last post I was often let down by lying sack of shits who said they would come to a show and never turn up.

The first half consisted of the very funny Ger Staunton and myself. When the MC opened the Second half he did one of his usual tricks.

He said to the crowd “Did you enjoy the first half?”
The crowd “Yeah”

“Did you like John?”
The crowd “Yeah”

“Did you Like Ger?”
The crowd “Yeah”

He would then normally go, “Which one did you like more?” Confusing the crowd by asking a question that wasn’t yeah or no and cutting them off without any time to think of an answer. I never said it was a good trick but he liked doing it.

“Which one did you like more?”
Straight away the crowd cries “Ger”.

Including my Girlfriend. I mean I’m used to hearing her shout out comedians names passionately but just never outside the bedroom.

Upcoming Gigs:

Saturday, November 11. The Stock Exchange, 34 Shop Street, Co. Galway.
Show 7.30 pm.

Sunday, November 12. International Bar, Wicklow Street, Co. Dublin. Show 9.00 pm.

Tuesday, November 14.  Roisin Dubh, Dominick Street, Co. Galway. Show 9.00pm.

Friday, November 24. International Bar, Wicklow Street, Co. Dublin. Show 9.00pm.

Monday, November 27. Wool-Shed Bar & Grill. Parnell Street, Co. Dublin.
Show 9.00pm.

Here a recent clip of me doing the standing and talking: